


Nothing is pain

by uddelhexe



Series: Happy.Never.Afters [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel let's himself be happy, Character Death, Coda, Coda to Byzantinum, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Warning for smut interaction between Dean and Cas, Written before I watched S14/Ep9, coda s14e8, maybe i will write a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uddelhexe/pseuds/uddelhexe
Summary: Michael is defeated. Team free 2.0. back in the bunker.Time to celebrate...Castiel and Dean let go of all the fear that made them avoid to think of the nature of their profound bond.A happy moment...worth all the sacrifices that follow.Or not...?





	1. When the walls fall

**Author's Note:**

> One shot written after watching Season 14-Ep 8 Byzanthimun.
> 
> Why can't Castiel be just happy? Why won't the writers let us just have Destiel.  
> Well...I was so sad...thought of thousand ways how the Empty would catch Cas.
> 
> This is the first story.  
> I hope I will stay in the mood to edit the other ones too.
> 
> If enough people would be with me...I also might have a happy solution to the Empty problem to show you.
> 
> Let some comments here...some Kudos. Read my others storys, but be prepared: Two kids, three dogs and a job...I sometimes need long time to update, because I have rarely time to write properly.

After they had walked down the stairs that lead into the bunkers war-table room they suddenly stopped. A breath they all didn’t know they had been holding came out in a long and heavy sigh.

Could it be true? Could they believe it?

Ever so slowly every member of Team free will 2.0. began to move until they all faced each other. Watching each other in disbelief. Nobody was able to really process what just had happened.

What they had done.

That it all was over.

Jack was the first to break the silence that sat heavy in the air. Nearly tangible to senses that weren’t meant to touch at things all. And out of all things nothing like this.

“I am afraid to say something. I fear that it isn’t true if I do. Is that…strange?”

Dean looked at the young man and shook his head: “Not at all. It’s human.”

Castiel and Sam nodded in silent agreement. They exactly knew what Jack was talking about. They all could tell from the turmoil each and every one was experiencing inside themselves. The new truth that was waiting for them to settle in was just too familiar.

They had felt it after the first apocalypse…then after the second. But this time…it could be true.

No strings attached.

“It is done. He…he won’t come back,”Cas sighed, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Still nobody seemed to dare to move. As if all that had been could be like a fragile bubble. Ready to burst any second. But at some point Dean decided that they should try to move on. Test the limits of said bubble.

Perhaps this time it was true. Perhaps life could try to catch up to them.

They had focused on destroying Michel so much in the last months. Then there had been Jack’s sickness and  the young Nephilim’s death. The Empty that ad threatened heaven and reopened it’s Gates to earth. It all had been so much occupation…no rest… from one struggle into the next. Dean was sure he had forgotten how to breathe without waiting for the next disaster or Apocalypse ogling at the next crossroad of his life. How again was it to step from one day to the next without waiting for a disaster to happen…the world to end?

There still were super monsters Michael had created but they now knew what to deal with. Sam had made an excellent job in building up the new hunter organization so that Dean was sure that they would deal with that on daily basis like they did with their ordinary monsters in the past.

He wasn’t too concerned about this.

Jack was able to live with the enochian spell Lilly had given to them and Cas was no longer enemy number one to heaven as it seemed. There were so little numbers of angels left after the darkness had invaded heaven and Dean doubted that Naomi would risk shutting down one of her energy cells that she desperately needed to keep the business running. Not that he would trust that bitch farther then his sword arm reached. But it was good to know, that no active hunting was involved when it came to Cas.

Willing souls that were bored in their heavens had been recruited to help watch the newly open gates of heaven. Ash had come up with the idea to use the power of the souls and the humans inside of heaven to run some of the lower tasks in heaven to preserve the angels grace and their energy when it was needed the most only.

Only a bold crazy genius like Ash could come up with something like that and Dean was so proud that a human soul had been the one to have that bright idea.

 

So…heaven was safe at the moment. The Empty seemed to have lost interest in Jack for whatever reason and Michael was defeated…his grace integrated in the energy system of heaven without his personality in it.  The life force of an archangel should be enough to give heaven time to recover and the angels to come up with a proper plan to fix things as good as possible for a long haul.

Dean knew what he wanted to do with his freedom to breath.

He wanted to let go. For the first time in months. Years even.

Just sitting together with his family and celebrate.

“I think this is the proper time for a party. And with party I mean: Burgers, beer and maybe more beer. Maybe some Whisky for Cas to bright his light. What’da ya think?”

Sam smiled happily. The first real smile since a really long time. No sadness behind it. No fear. Just a genuine and happy smile.

“I go get Burgers and beer.” Sam offered.

“I´ll go with you, Sam,” Jack added joyfully.

Dean padded the two of them on their shoulders and shoved them closer back to the stairs.

“Cas and I get the TV room prepared. I think of a nice movie marathon until we all pass out on the couch.”

Sam and Jack both laughed and headed for the door. Cas looked after them. His face expression tense.

“You ok there?” Dean asked with furrowed brow. He watched his friend worriedly.

Cas sucked in a deep breath and looked at Dean. A weary smile appeared on his face and he nodded.

“I’m fine Dean. After all this time…It’s just strange to think of something different than to ceaselessly worry for some threat to appear.”

Dean enfolded Cas shoulders with his arm and tucked him closer. Then he began to walk and pull the angel along. He headed for the kitchen. He tried not to think, that Cas had been somehow off all the way back to the bunker. That there might be something the angel had wrapped his mind about but didn’t want to share. Maybe he would open up later. Dean tried not to show his concern.

“I know, man. Let’s get some shit from the kitchen and prepare for the four of us to crash down in the movie-Room. We so damn earned that you know?”

Cas looked down on the Hand that gripped his shoulder and back to Dean’s face. The hunter didn’t seem to plan on letting him go for their short walk. The angel felt a warm and slightly fuzzy feeling curling up inside. Something he rarely let surface when it came to thinking of Dean. He knew it would be dangerous to let this emotion climb into his consciousness because once it would settle and grow roots to hold, he didn’t know how to control it and put it back where it belonged.

Deep down.

But today was not a day to worry. It should be a day to celebrate.

At least one evening to feel free of threats and monsters. Of heaven and hell. Or the things in between…and beyond.

Just Dean and Sam and Jack…and himself to grab some beer, watch a movie…and let the events of the past be forgotten for one night.

 

* * *

 

 

“That w’s a m’stake,” Dean slurred more than slightly drunk.

“’m fellin awful, “ Sam agreed sounding tired beyond description. The younger brother hold his head in one hand and didn’t look very happy.

The movie they first had watched was long over. The second only a blur in their minds, because the whisky that had been meant to give Cas a nice time somehow had ended to wreck them all into human shaped puddles on the couch.

An unmanly giggle escaped Jacks mouth and he lolled his head in a ridiculous looking motion to look at Sam.

“Y’r hair looks f’nny S’m. Boop!”

The young man tried to move enough so that his finger would reach Sam’s nose but graciously failed and just slumped over. More giggling noises could be heard, muffled by the fabric of the cushions Jack had landed in face first.

Nobody dared to look what time it really was. Obviously they had ended to drink half of the night. Even Castiel looked like a loss to the world. It had needed some bottles, evidence was still lying around on the floor, but finally  even the stoic angel had began to slur and grin in the most silly ways Dean and Sam had ever seen on his face.

Sam willed himself to stand up…or how close he could mimic that motion, and he started to haul Jack up with some resurrecting words. He didn’t want to sleep on the floor and the couch was not an option for all of them.

For this was Jack’s first real drinking experience, Sam imagined that it sure would be better the young man would face the upcoming morning in his bed…with some water on the nightstand and a bucket beside the bed. And some Aspirin would be nice too.

Later Sam had no idea how the hell he’d managed to bring Jack to his room and tuck him into bed. Hell, he had no idea how he found his own bed. But when he arrived in his room, he didn’t bother with taking of any of his clothes. One second and he collapsed onto his bed and yanked at the bedspread until he was half way covered. Sleep lulled him into oblivion in the next one.

Castiel and Dean had remained in the Movie-Room and both men could not bring themselves to rise from the comfortable couch. Dean had lifted his legs on the cushions and watched Cas with half lidded eyes. Castiel had taken seat opposite to Dean and sat there with crossed legs, his head lying on the back of the couch lazily.

Dean had no idea when it happened or why, but when his eyes snapped open after a short nap time, his legs had somehow wandered towards the angel. Castiel had entangled himself and their feet laid intervened in the middle of the couch. Something inside of the human told him, that he should move.

Personal space and all that.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do that. It felt not as odd as it should to touch the other man. To feel the warmth that was radiating from his feet. Or the tingles that made his skin crawl when Castiel’s toes wiggled from time to time.

When Dean lifted his gaze to the face of the angel he noticed, that Cas was watching him.

How long had he starred at their feet? Had it been odd to do so?

Castiel didn’t appear to be bothered by it. Instead he even wiggled his toes a little more. Dean knew he shouldn’t follow his intuition, but in the next moment he felt his body to act on its own as he moved his toes in an answer to what the angel was doing.

The occasional wiggling morphed into another motion smoothly that Dean intellectually knew was more fondling than anything else. Castiel’s feet began to move a little more and he wiggled himself deeper into the cushions of the couch. His body drew closer to Dean’s and now not only their feet touched but their legs as well.

They didn’t stop to move their feet, toes  and anything that was able to touch the other person. Dean felt how the alcohol was making him dizzy and he also felt a slight tingle inside his gut that had nothing to do with alcohol at all. Something that he didn’t feel for the first time he was so close to Cas. But he successfully had avoided to think about it too often, let alone act on it.

The more Castiel pushed himself closer into the space bubble of the older hunter, the more Dean had a feeling, that whatever was happening here was nothing he was able to stop any more.

And after all he had been through…he didn’t know if he really wanted to any more.

His body had begun to heat up in a pleasant way and the tingling sensation that had begun to overcome him not only settled in his legs but crawled higher…until it passed his crotch, his stomach…his chest.

He knew very well what this sensation was and when he forced himself to really look at Castiel, he had the feeling that the angel knew very well what he was doing. What feelings he was about to cause.

Again he thought about standing up and running out of the room. Because if he didn’t…there was something about to change between them. Something that they were not able to take back.

He was not sure if this change  was, what he wanted. If it was, what he really wanted.

If that was, what Castiel really wanted.

 Could it be, that the angel was that boozy, that he didn’t really mean what he was doing? Could it be, that he wasn’t able to control the basic needs of his vessel?

“Cas…” Dean started. He had no idea, what he wanted to tell the other man. Castiel pushed himself up and pulled his legs under himself. Then he supported himself on his hands and crawled forward right into the red zone of Dean’s PERSONAL SPACE. Suddenly he stopped ad sat down on his heels merely inches away from Deans face.  He watched Dean closely and tilted his head slightly. Dean not for the first time noticed how adorable that habit really was. The angel appeared so curious, so innocent. At this very moment it was as if he had seen the older Winchester for the very first time.

“Dean. The Whisky makes me feel things differently,” he stated, sounding confused.

“How so?” Dean breathed. He could feel the body heat radiating from Castiel. It should be impossible when he was still this far away. They still were way to far apart to feel such a thing, but his skin began to tickle anyways and heat crawled along his spine.

“I…feel your gaze on me differently. The way you touch me and how my body reacts. How it feels inside of my head.”

“Yeah?”

Dean tried not to move. The bubble could burst and he really didn’t want that to happen. Hell, was he happy that Sam was not here anymore. He’d died of shame if his brother could see Cas and him like that.

“Good different?”

What was he doing? He should stop.

“Good different. I’d like…” Cas didn’t finish…just watched him with that expression on his face.

Dean did understand. The way Cas was looking at him was all he needed to say. Dean wasn’t able to think straight at this very moment. He far too much liked how Cas was looking. He knew, that at some point this moment had to happen in their lives. But always there had been some apocalypse, some Michael, or Darkness. One of them was dead or in hell or in heaven.

But at this very moment the both of them were here. No sword hanging over them about to fall and chop their heads off. And as it seemed the years of tension, not talking about it…not showing anything began to burst a crack in the shells that imprisoned their emotions.

He always had felt it. The special bond between them. Over the years of fighting, trusting, betraying, sharing the bond had changed into something different.  Something that made other things seem so unimportant. Things like their race, or the gender. It was something that drew them together no matter what. Something he didn’t want to miss in his future.

Castiel had helped to defeat all threats…and still he was here. Perhaps he’d felt it too.

Dean pushed himself up and began to reach for Castiel’s face. The angel didn’t move. The moment Dean’s palm touched the stubble on the check of the angel, Castiel leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He breathed in deeply and shuddered while doing so. His body was trembling

Obviously Castiel was too overwhelmed to say something. He just sat there with eyes closed and breathed in and out.

_Cas. So old. But no clue what to do._

It was downright adorable.

“More…touching?” Dean asked.

Castiel nodded and Dean obeyed willingly. He brought his second hand up an cupped both of Castiel’s cheeks in his palms. His thumbs began to move in soothing circles. Dean felt the angel still trembling. His breath coming out in shuddering but low blows. He had his eyes closed and finally reached up to cup Deans hands in his own.

A single tear began to crack in one of his eyes. But he was smiling.

“So long. Waited…so long…for this.” Castiel said.

“I know.”

Dean didn’t feel dizzy any more. Sure, the alcohol was still in his system, and he was far away from sober, but he knew what he was feeling. And this wasn’t something that had just started this evening. Or the last. Or a week ago. Or a month.

But the drinking had helped to make a move. To loosen up. To let it happen.

“Ya know…I think we should change location to…talk about this.”

Castiel looked at him confused. He lowered his head and suddenly he seemed right away shy about what he was going to say next:

“I don’t want to talk, Dean.”

“I know. Me neither. I just wanted to be polite.”

Both men smiled.


	2. Nothing but Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....All the bliss of his last night with Dean, the remains of the love he had felt with him were suppressed by the pain and the loneliness that made him feel empty inside.
> 
> NOW YOU ARE TRULY MINE. NOW YOU BELONG TO THE EMPTY.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so sad writing this.
> 
> Listen to The Davy Jones Song from Pirates of the Caribian if you wanna catch my mood.  
> I feel so sad and angry for all this..but it had to be out of my head.
> 
> I am sorry.

 

 

Castiel watched the wall of Dean’s room silently. The sound of an even breathing behind his back calm and steady. The warmth of a body close and comforting.

He felt embraced. Accepted. Loved.

He’d forgotten how it felt to feel like that. He started to think that he never really had encountered how it felt at all.

This was it. That was the moment.

And all the time it would have been so easy. It had been so close…just in reach.

I HOPE YOU ARE READY.

The voice inside his head was so very cold. Icy in his heart. Clawing for his inner core. Erasing what crossed it's part with every touch. Though anticipated, yet angst-inducing. More than he’d admit if he would have to. He was afraid of what was coming. But he wouldn’t give it the satisfaction to show his horror.

"I am." He told it calmly.

YOU THINK? I WILL GIVE YOU DREAMS, CASTIEL. DREAMS OF ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE: AND THESE WILL BE EVEN WORSE THEN THE ONES YOU ALREADY HAD, BECAUSE NOW YOU TASTED WHAT IT COULD BE LIKE. YOU WILL SUFFER SO VERY MUCH.

"It was worth it."

AND HE WILL SUFFER TOO.

 

* * *

 

 

**_Earlier…_ **

 

They stood in Dean's room. Nobody dared to move. Neither Dean nor Castiel knew how to handle the situation. Never had they thought farther than this.

Watching each other. Feeling the others presence. Knowing, that there was more between them than only friendship.

This bond. So profound and deep. No matter what had happened in their past. No matter how big the betrayals, the hurt and the fights…every time they both had been drawn together again. Because that felt right. That felt like how it should be.

Castiel observed Deans body and soul like he'd seen it for the first time. The other angels had been right. All of them.

The moment he had touched Dean’s soul in hell, he had been lost. Lost to this human. To the love for humanity…to Dean as being. He'd try to ignore it. To shield his charge, fight for him like he would for everyone…but the feelings had remained. Strengthened over the years.

He'd try to get away from them as often as possible. Never stayed in the bunker or close to the brothers for too long, so he would not get addicted to Dean's presence. Every time he had been together with the brothers for too long, it had hurt to go away more.

Depression had fallen on his being for a long time. Like his grace and angelic soul was searching for a missing piece and he didn't allow it to find it. So he never felt complete. Never truly happy, no matter what.

"May I?" Dean asked, raising his hand. Ready to touch Castiel's face again.

"Of course, Dean."

Castiel knew, that if he'd allow this now, that there was no going back. No return. If he allowed this to happen, he would not be able to go back. And he didn't want to.

Dean stepped closer. Only one step that separated the two of them. He began to caress Castiel's cheek. His hair. He slowly stroke over every feature of the angels face. First with one hand, then with both. One more move and his whole body was lined up with Cas's. He could feel Dean's heartbeat close to his own.

Dean began to softly touch Castiel's shoulders, then his arms. Hands sliding down until their hands touched and their fingers began to hold each other.

With a silent sigh Dean's forehead touched the angel's.

"You…you're sure 'bout this, Cas? There's no turning back if we let this happen."

"I know."

"May I…may I kiss you?"

"You may."

 

Dean closed the little gap between them very slowly. He seemed unsure if this really was happening. Castiel knew that he should move too, but he simply couldn't. The situation was too overwhelming. Like a weir that was about to break any minute and he had no idea what was about to flood out of him when it happened.

Not only was his very being craving for the man that was facing him, but also his body that was about to react in ways to Dean he didn't knew he was capable of. He always had thought that Dean Winchester was a beautiful human being, but he never had thought about sexual attraction at all.

But his body seemed to seek for it. Seek to be closer to the other body. As close as possible. So close, that it should be impossible to tell where one began and the other ended. Their energy one. Like it had been when he'd resurrected Dean from hell. This one time, when he had been one with the human soul and had brought it to the surface, build the body together, put together the broken pieces of this beautiful soul.

 

His righteous man.

He had not been lost from the touch.

He had been found.

 

When their lips touched it felt like they began to melt together. It was chaste and calm. Slow and loving.

His heart began to beat faster as his body tried to remind him for his need to join the fusion too. That he didn't want to stay separated from his other half any longer.

The kiss deepened and despite the arousal that both of their bodies were clearly showing in certain parts it was not triggered by lust, but only by the wish to melt together.

Their tongues began to pass the others lips, began dancing around each other and Castiel knew that he never felt like this before.

Not that he hadn't kissed before. He had kissed Meg…he'd kissed April, but these kisses had been nothing like this.

 

Not at all.

 

Castiel began to walk Dean backwards until the hunters legs hit the bed in the middle of the room.

As they began to lay down…crawling into the sheets, hands exploring the other man's physical form, they knew it would be perfect.

Because both of them were finally here.

Both of them would be one.

 

He felt so embraced. He felt Dean inside. He felt the hunters hands on his own. The movement like the steady waves of the ocean. In the rhythm of the heartbeat that the world used to have. He could get lost in it. Just this rhythm. Dean inside him, on him, around him.

His cheeks were flushed in a pink color. Their bodies sweeting from the closeness they shared. Sometimes Dean just would lay down his head on Castiel’s shoulder, still moving deep inside of him.

Sometimes they would kiss lazy but loving. Deep and mimicking the motion of their love making bodies.

"Dean?"

"Hmm?"

Still moving in the steady rhythm.

"If you had to choose: not to know love at all, or feel true love once and die…what would you choose?"

Dean raised his head enough to look Castiel in his crystal blue eyes. His face expression was soft.

"The latter. As a human I know this: It ain't no life if you don't know love."

"Me too."

Castiel's hands grabbed Deans neck and he pulled him in for another sweet kiss. He knew Dean was right.

He just wished he had known sooner.

 

* * *

 

"He is strong. He has his family."

The dark entity laughed a cruel laughter.

OH CASTIEL. HOW CAN YOU BE SO INNOCENT? HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW? BUT I´LL SHOW YOU. AFTER I RIP ALL THE WARMTH FROM YOU THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLD IN YOUR HEART TO BRING WITH YOU IN THE EMPTY. IT ALL WILL FAINT TO NOTHING. THERE WILL BE NOTHING FOR YOU,ANGEL!

 

The warmth of Dean's arm embracing him began to fade and instead a cool and creepy feeling began to grow in his guts.

He knew that his body was about to die. That his grace was about to leave it. Was about to be sucked out of his shell right into the Empty.

It felt like his body was sinking into the mattress, but the bed beneath him no longer was a warm place of comfort but an icy puddle of black water surrounding his being. Sucking him in inch for inch until he wasn't able to breath any more.

He so desperately wanted to reach for Dean. To touch his warmth a last time. Say goodbye. Say that he loved him. That he was sorry for leaving him behind. That his love meant everything to him.

That he wanted him to let go and be happy.

 

But he couldn't talk.

He couldn't reach.

 

What his being remembered to be his body began to fade too. What had been a feeling of embraced skin began to feel numb and cold.

He sank deeper. The room around him going black.

Only the cruel voice of The Empty was in what his grace remembered to be his head.

 

I WILL SHOW YOU!

 

Castiel opened his eyes. Nothing surrounded him. There was no noise. No heat. No energy. No rhythm.

He didn't feel his limps, couldn't see a thing.

Panic began to rise when he remembered what had happened. Where he was.

He couldn't feel his human form, nor could he feel his angelic grace. It was like the only thing that was there was his eyes. Nothing to touch. Nothing to walk or talk.

 

I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR RIDE SO FAR. BEFORE I LET YOU SLEEP…AND THIS TIME YOU WILL SLEEP, ANGEL, I WILL SHOW YOU SOMETHING. BECAUSE…

 

The voice was hissing and shuddering and Castiel wanted nothing so bad as if to escape it.

 

…YOU WILL SEE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SELFISH AGAIN. YOU LET YOURSELF BE HAPPY. AND LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE, CASTIEL!

 

Castiel's "vision" began to blur and the black changed into colors. Into a room.

He saw Dean's room in the bunker. The light on the night-stand still was switched on.

Dean was laying on his site. His arm surrounding Castiel's body. Dean's breathing was peaceful. He was so beautiful.

Then he began to move and his breathing began to go in deeper. He was about to wake. Before the hunter opened his eyes a tiny smile appeared on his lips. Almost shy. His grip tightened around Castiel's form.

Suddenly Dean's body stopped moving and he opened his eyes in what looked like panic. He pushed himself up and turned Castiel's body around roughly.

"Cas?"

He began to touch the skin of the angel, hands shaking and his eyes wide.

"Castiel!"

Castiel couldn't bear to watch this. He didn't think of this. He didn't want to. He had so perfectly avoided to imagine this.

"Stop it! I can't..."

 

OH YOU WILL,CASTIEL: YOU WILL SEE WHAT YOUR HAPPINESS COSTS.YOU WILL SEE THIS…AND THIS IS THE LAST THING YOU WILL SEE BEFORE I SEND YOUT TO SLEEP. THIS SILL BE WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT. THIS…WHAT YOU NEVER WILL HAVE. THIS IS MY REVENGE FOR YOU MAKING ME BE OUT OF NOTHING…OUT OF MY PEACEFULL SLEEP. BEING AWAKE AND SUFFER ALL THIS _BEING_ AROUND ME. THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT!

 

"No…" Castiel whispered terrified.

He looked down again and saw Dean shaking his body. Searching for a pulse. Searching for breathing. Tears began to fall and the hunter began to cry. Began to shout.

"Cas! CAS!...No…no….NOO!"

He’d never seen the hunter being like this.

"SAM!"

Castiel wanted nothing as bad as to reach Dean. Comfort him. Tell him that is was ok. That he had no choice. But he couldn't reach him. Could only watch. He wasn't even able to close his eyes, for they were not real. Or to look somewhere else, because The Empty would not let him.

 

It made him watch how Sam rushed into the room on unsteady feed. Awoken by the screams of his brother.

How Jack joined them only seconds later.

How they all tried to awake him. Tried to find out what had happened.

Sam didn't even seem to be surprised by the fact that he had found his brother and Cas in his brothers bed. Both naked. The trenchchoat on the floor along with all the other clothes they had worn at the last evening.

After what seemed to be hours Sam tried to pry his brother away from Castiel's cold body. But Dean refused. He sobbed and he cried. He screamed and Castiel felt it like a stab inside his own being.

 

What had he done?

_What have I done?_

 

ONE MORE….ONE MORE… the Empty whispered.

 

"No…please…"

 

It was Dean's room again. But Castiel's body wasn't there anymore.

There only was Dean. Sitting with his back against the headboard of his bed.

His arms clenched around a bundle of tan colored clothing. His eyes were rimmed red and he was staring into some invisible point at the wall.

 A tentative knock at the door disrupted the silence.

Dean didn't answer it, but Sam came in anyway.

 

"Dean. You have to get up and eat something. Join us in the kitchen. We miss you."

 

"…Can't…." The older hunter’s voice was croaky, like he hadn't spoken in days.

 

"I know. Dean. But Castiel wouldn't want you to lock yourself from the world. Jack is here…and I am. We miss him too."

 

"..'s different."

 

"You think I don't know that?"

 

Dean looked his brother in the eyes. There was so much pain written in his face…Castiel couldn't bear to see it.

 

"He knew this was about to happen, Sam. He asked me, if I thought a long life without love was better or a short one with one day of love. He knew it, Sam."

"I know. Jack told us about the deal, remember?"

"Why would he do that?"

 

Sam came closer and sat beside his brother. Lovingly he touched his shoulder and let his hand remain there.

"You always had this bond. I think he loved you from the beginning. He just didn't know what this feeling was. And he let himself to have it for this one moment. Because he thought it was worth it. Because you were worth it. You were his one moment of pure happiness in life."

 

"It hurts Sammy."

"It's ok to be angry, Dean."

"I'm not. I feel…empty. Will I ever again feel not…empty?"

"I don't know. But I'm here for you."

Sam embraced his brother who began to sob again. He rocked him back and forth. Tried to soothe him.

Castiel's vision began to crack again. And then the room was gone.

 

But he still could here Dean crying. It drilled its way into his core and began to settle there. It hurt.

All the bliss of his last night with Dean, the remains of the love he had felt with him were suppressed by the pain and the loneliness that made him feel empty inside.

 

NOW YOU ARE TRULY MINE. NOW YOU BELONG TO THE EMPTY

 

The cold whisper grabbed him from outside. Grabbed him from inside.

 

Then there was nothing.

 

Nothing but THE EMPTY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow would like to solve this for the better...make them be happy....idk....would someone like to read such a second story?


End file.
